The InZane Club presents The Sporty File: Winter Olympic Wonderland 2018

OLYMPICS SPECIAL

Genre: Comedy, news satire, talk show 

Created by: Brian Robbins
Presented by: Kwame "Kyrie" Alexander
Starring:

- Gracie Dzienny

- Noah Munck

- Teala Dunn

- Tyrel Jackson Williams

- Lia Marie Johnson
- Nolan Ammon

Opening theme: “Mystery” by I.Z.C.E.

Country of origin: United States

Original language(s): English

No. of season: 2

No. of episode: Special

Production

Executive producer(s):

- Brian Robbins

- Jeff Hodsden

- Shauna Phelan

- Joe Davola

Producer(s): Don Dunn

Location(s):

Burbank Studios

Burbank, California

Running time: 35 Minutes

Production Company(s):

AwesomenessTV

(DreamWorks Animation)

Release

Original network: Netflix

Picture format: 1080p (HDTV)

Original release: March 2, 2018

S2, Special Directed by: Phil Lewis Written by: Tim Pollock, Jeff Hodsden, Bo Belanger & Kwame Alexander

Title: The Sporty File: Winter Olympic Wonderland 2018 Original release date: March 2, 2018 Production code: 114

In a special half hour edition of The Sporty File, Kyrie gives a full recap of the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea and discusses the not-so-great moments at the events. Plus, a sit down interview with US Snowboarder Chloe Kim who became the youngest woman to win an Olympic snowboarding medal after winning the gold medal in the women’s snowboard half pipe at the age of seventeen. The Kyrie File News Team (Nolan, Teala, Noah, Gracie, Tyrel and Lia) chips in on their thoughts of the Olympics in a massive round table that takes place from both the desk and from on-site in PyeongChang.

Highlights from the Olympics:

• This might as well been the most greatest Olympics Games in history, over ninety-two teams from ninety-two came to participate and six nation made their Winter Olympics debut. They are as followed: Ecuador, the name of country where if you put the letter "k" at the end of it, you know why they would sent only one athlete who is still in college, because he's not just an "Ecuadork", he's the "Ecuadork". Then there's Eritrea which toponym is based on the Greek name for the Red Sea which was first adopted for Italian Eritrea in 1890, unfortunately, the one and only athlete that Eritrea sent to the Olympics did not even it make it to far in men's giant salmon, so look out Eritrea, the 1890s Italians called, they want their red sea back because you couldn't make a big splash in the little pond that they offered you.. 
• Other first time nations were: Kosovo, Nigeria, Malaysia and Singapore. The latter two of the four countries are somewhat close to each other, only difference is that one of them has a lion statue which from up close looks like it throwing up on its own country or maybe the the other, and if you can guess which country it is, you're in for a chance to win a Kyrie File Vomit Lion, they make you eyes bleed in disgust, unlike literal dandelions that make you sneeze and blow their petals off just like in Dragon Tales, those mean dandelions never really stood a chance against sensitive Org. 
• As for Kosovo, which flag looks like a large piece of poo in a toilet and those starts are the little scented toilet bowl freshener balls that gives it look it a nice sweet blue color, the country was of many who fell short in the preliminaries of the events and it has been said that Kosovar players have never had good eyesight which would make them like referees. They be like "You know what, you all get a point 'cause I can't see who's freaking winning anyway.
• Now, Nigeria was able to make their presence felt when it sent its first two-woman bobsled team, and it was just as a bigger story as Jamaica sending their first woman bobsled team, and though both teams came in last in the two-man women's bobsleigh competition, its safe that the Jamaica had the biggest hype with is bobsled called "Cool Bolt" which would make a great name for a sequel to Cool Runnings starring Usain Bolt, only this one runs on very skinny legs.
• The rest of the Olympics were mostly highlighted by beauty of the opening and closing ceremonies, and given the chose between shirtless polar bear men and giant lit up panda bears, I choose the one where you can't electrocute your eye out, but can still gaze on for hours and hours. Shirtless man I'm talking is  one-man Tongan team and cross-country skier Pita Taufatofua who you may remember from the 2016 Summer Games and he caused a bit of drama back then when he carried the Toga flag shirtless and greased up. This time he did did it in the frigid cold of PyeongChang, now if any tall man with an overweight body, even me, could swap bodies with this guy, that when they take their shirt off when they sit down, then their body wouldn't have the appearance of a bug-eyed bearded mutant that doesn't even belong in a public pool. That's why I have to wear a tank top when I go swimming so I don't scare away all the kids, fish, sharks and even octopuses, the latter of the bunch is the ugliest of them all.
• Other moments from the Opening Ceremony were Team USA dancing along the stadium to "Gangnam Style" , the famous Korean song by PSY, the United States have been a black hole as of late due to massive tragedies and the last thing they need to do is bring their problems to the rest of the world which they probably already, but it would be such an insult to Korean if USA sent only Donald Trump to PyeongChang because all the other athletes were to busy and clearly knew something Trump. 
• It is unknown to many as to what Trump is capable of rather in the White House or on a golf course, but imagine him dance to the PSY song without a shirt on, because then the Tongan guy would win an ESPY for "Best Half Naked Dancer on a Olympic Stage", it is so fake, it could actually happen. But thank god the Olympics were not cluttered with so much Trump news that you can intentionally drown yourself to death in, although the President did send VP Mike Pence and while Pence was supportive to all of Team USA, you wonder if Trump sent this VP there to do all the "dancing like an orange baboon" for him. FYI Trump, you forgot your "MCD" MIKE CAN'T DANCE.
• But what about South and North Korea putting their differences aside for these Olympics, they even marched along the National Stadium together with a unification flag. North Korea probably did this because they were being mentioned in the news too much in a bad way due to their ongoing feud with the US President, and they must have figured the only they could the world that they're not the bad guys with a bomb was to team up with their little brother South Korea. They be like "한국이 17 개의 메달을 획득 한 유일한 이유는 5 개가 금이었다. 왜냐하면 우리는 그 (것)들에게 치열한 치트 코드를 주어 승리 할 수 있었기 때문이다." That's Korean for "The only reason the South Korea won seventeen medals, five of which were gold, is because we gave them the damn cheat codes to win, and we deserve most the credit ourselves because we did most of the winning, so much winning!"
• Moving on to some of the other Olympic Events, Norway crushed the competition by winning 39 medals, and when asked what they were going to do next, the Norwegian team made this statement: "Vi kommer til Epcot på Walt Disney World fordi den falske Norway-delen på World Showcase er det eneste stedet vi virkelig kan "La det gå." In english terms that means "We are going to Epcot at Walt Disney World because its fake Norway section at the World Showcase is the only place where we can really "Let It Go." Now in case you don't what that means, well in Disney terms, Epcot's Norway Pavilion has an attraction themed after the film Frozen, which is loosely based on Norwegian culture, and it has been said that Disney plans to built more Frozen themed lands at its theme across the world and in places like Paris, Hong Kong and Tokyo, and with the 2020 Summer Games coming to Tokyo, if the Frozen Land at Tokyo Disney is complete in time for the 2020 Games which is unlikely to happen, then Team Norway won't have to go far to "La det gå." But it depends on whether or not Norway can smoke up the same magic they had in PyeongChang and bring it with them to Tokyo. Now the Frozen Land that will likely be completed the same time as the 2020 Games will be in Hong Kong, so I guess while Norway athletes wait 5-6 hours on the plane to get their, they'll have a bundle of Frozen songs to pass the time. "Thank you for boarding AIR Frozen, how bout we get to know each other, For the First Time in Forever."
• Now you can probably expect other countries to celebrate their medal wins in their own special way, for instant, how do Germans celebrate winning 31 medals, they start a mong long event called "31 Days of Germanween" where they take their medals and melt them down into small bit and then sell them as Halloween candy. But how, that would have been a great tactic for the Germans during World War II expect when tasted the candy themselves they went "Autsch" because it was just too hard, even for them. Canada, won 29 medals are were neck and neck in the medal count with Germany, but they were six medals higher than Team USA who had won 23. So the best way for Canadians to celebrate is to chow down on some good Canadian Bacon, which Spencer from iCarly put it best, "Even though it's just ham, it's good ham." However, there's a pro and con to Canada eating its own back as an victory lap, Pro: No Cholesterols and Con: They're going to need the fat because they lost to the USA Women's Team in Hockey and American "Super Mario" in Curling, a sport well made famous by The Simpsons.
• Despite Team USA's disappointing 4th ranking in the medal table, that did not stop them from winning and then heading back home with their heads held high, although this was USA's worst showing in a Winter Olympics period since the 1998 games and they were ranked out of the top three in both gold and total count, but Curling player John Shuster led his team and American "Super Mario" to the US's first gold medal in Curling, now all he needs is a green hat and a mustache like "Luigi" and the newest video game centred around him will be hit. They've even called it "Mario & Shuster at the Olympic Curling Game."
• Most of the United States' gold medals came from the Snowboarding Events, in which they won two in Halfpipe, and one of them was won by Shaun White who we all from the 2010 Games for his Double McTwist 1260 better known as "The Tomahawk", but over the years between then and now, White has gone from "Carrot Top" to "Short Haired Thor" to "Sexual Predator" and not the ones you see in Alien vs Predator. It was in 2016 that Shaun White had a lawsuit against him by Lena Zawaideh, the drummer from his band "Bad Things" who claimed him for sexual harassment and breach of contract, and the funny thing abut this is that the former of the two charges was even a serious topic in America until Power of Three member Rose McGowan caught Harvey Weinstein red handed late last year with sexaul assualt, and I really do mean that she caught him red handed thanks to an old potion she got from Charmed which comes in handy whenever she gets her head stuck in the garage door again.
• Moving back to Shaun White and Lena Zawaideh, they had reached an out-of-court settlement back in May of 2017, and at a press conference following White's win at the 2018 Olympics, he finally broke his silence about the matter. He referred to the incident as merely a response that creates widespread condemnation of him minimizing sexual harassment, he later apologized for the choice of words he had used before and was probably saying to himself in his head: "To skateboarders everywhere, see you in Tokyo 2020, #BreakALeg, #NeverLandOnYourFace!"
• Finally, the most harish story coming in and out of the 2018 Olympics was Team Russia who went by the name 'Olympic Athletes from Russia." This was because many of the Russian Athletes were accused of doping and on December 5th, 2017, the International Olympic Committee would have the Russian Olympic Committee suspended effective immediately from the 2018 Olympics. but still allowed only Russian athletes who had no previous drug violations or any history of drug testing to compete under the Olympic Flag. I don't why the Russians who had been banned from the Olympics were doping, and I don't really care, But If I had to make a guess, they probably got tried of making a mess in their own country, they decided to try other things like meddle in the US Election and even cause a cyberattack on the Olympics and then blame it on North Korea. Imagine this: "America: Hey Russia! Russia: Yes? America: Did you hack the Olympics? Russia: Goodness no! It was North Korea! America: North Korea? North Korea: Yes? America: Did you hack the Olympics? North Korea: HECK NO! America: Russia you little lying meddling son of a b....!"

Pictures from the 2018 Winter Games

Never-Before-Seen Shots at the Winter Events

2018 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony Recap | NBC Sports

The Most Uncomfortable Moments At The 2018 Olympics

2018 Winter Olympics closing ceremony

Closing Statement

• Before we go, I what to reach to all the countries who did well and those who either receiving at least one because they weren't good enough or never won anything at all because they weren't good enough, I say this. In the immortal words of Will Smith's Hancock, "Good Job" and you all receive a Kyrie File Good Job Package, it comes with one drone, one DJ, one fake gold medal, a pair of dance shoes signed by EXO, and portrait Hungary winning its first gold medal ever. And if Ester Ledecká right now, then you'll thinking "I gotta get me one of those!" well you better hurry because the packages are going as fast as your last second olympic victory and if you miss, you'll be like this!

THE END